Snow
by Bitter-Sweet-ish
Summary: Take a sneak peek into the diary of Hinata Hyuuga. Dedicated to my friends that have been bullied. AU, angsty.
1. Chapter 1

Dear Diary,

You should know that I am terribly shy, a curse that I despise. The easy blush that comes to my cheeks making me an easy target, and my awful stuttering which makes people think my teeth were chattering from the cold. The awful habit of picking at my fingers, but the sad thing is, I am constantly aware of how shy I am. I do not trust anybody else with this information so I am confiding it in these pages diary. Where hopefully they will stay in, and not be floating around my high school like a wandering ghost. I actually do trust someone, but I don't know how he will react, since he is so unpredictable and is constantly hyper, but I'll tell you about him later. You should know him anyways, Diary.

Today, Ino Yamanaka one of the most talkative, bossy and popular girls at my school was picking on me again. It was déjà vu all over again, with me in grade six and she in grade seven. I was being bombarded with questions during recess, and I was wearing a bright violet pea coat with dirty, wet black boots with my hair cropped short because my father always complained about it, saying it was too long and complicated to do anything with it. You may not think it was so bad, these questions. But they weren't questions that the teacher gave out to us, or simple everyday ones. They were the ones, that if asked, I would break down; the weak chink in my already weak armour. I can still remember the day…

"Hah, well if it isn't the Hyuuga girl?" Ino sneered, dressed in a vibrant baby blue jacket and adorable jeans that made her baby face even cuter.

"H-hello, Ino." I looked down at my boots, the sight of her and her stare was like being put under a spotlight. And literally it was. Since I had an extreme phobia of stage fright and a small crowd of curious little children were scattered around us.

"I heard your mommy died." Ino asked, but it wasn't sincere at all. It was sarcastic and bitter, and she was using it in a tone a six year old would have. I heard some of the girls' gasps, but didn't see them since my eyes were trained on a certain spot of mud on the toe of my boot.

"W-well, yes. Sh-she did." I could feel the hot tears brimming over.

"Aw, well, when did she die? Where did she? How old was she? Was she okay? Does she…regret that she died? But I hardly doubt it since she gave birth to _you._" The gasps around us grew more pronounced, and some of my classmates started whispering each other. Ino snorted, "Oh come on! You chickens didn't have the guts to ask her these things, so you should thank me!"

"I-I don't k-know Ino. I wasn't th-there wh-when s-she d-died." My stuttering increased by the fat tears that were almost spilling over, and the cold stare of Ino freezing me to the spot, even though I wasn't feeling cold at all. I was feeling hot, like I was wearing a thousand layers of clothing on Fourth of July. I could have imagined my face was tomato red.

"Yeah, right. I bet you murdered her anyways. Didja? Didja?!" With that, Ino walked calmly to her big oak tree near the school, her back straight with her A-crew trailing behind her, giggling and whispering.

No one confronted her, or even said anything to me. I knew I had no friends, but this was pretty ridiculous. When the crowd finally subsided, and gave me enough air to breathe I sat by the school wall, and tried not to cry. I already knew why she wanted to yell at me. She wanted to take her pain off on me, because her mother died too. Besides, I already knew that I had a major stuttering problem so why should I be crying over it now when I had it for twelve years? And Neji Hyuuga, my cousin, recently broke up with her after they had a 'serious relationship'.

When word spread that I was the stuttering freak that was afraid of questions, some of the bullies at my school were brave enough to taunt me once again. Pretty soon the guys wanted to get into the action, and not even once did Ino give me a sympathetic or a sorry look in my direction.

Now, I'm fifteen years old with still a stuttering problem and the shyness did not evaporate. This time Ino Yamanaka didn't bully me about my mother. This time she used my weaknesses and threw them back at me, verbally. Each insult that was morphed into a question hit me like a strong wall of bricks and cement. It hurt, diary.

"Don't you just love my hair today?" "Do you know where your mother went? I think I saw her at the supermarket before." "Are you still a virgin?" "Don't you have a crush on that loud mouth brat Naruto Uzumaki?" "Do you have contacts?" This time, Ino and her friends cornered me psychically. They were sauntering forward, and I had no other option than back up into the cool wall. A predator stalking for the kill. I couldn't hold back the tears this time, and the questions kept on coming at me at whiplash speed. Some about my mother, my social status, personal questions and such. I wanted to scream, 'Stop!' but my mouth was dry and it tasted salty from the tears that slid down my cheeks and landing in my mouth. I was sure that they were going to hit me, and a million questions rushed through my head like an hourglass with the sand falling out.

The one about my eyes hit me most, and was a bit unexpected. My eyes were white, and it scared people away. One of the many reasons I haven't been able to gain many friends. They thought it was creepy that the Hyuuga girl with the scary cousin had no pupils, so they thought I was possessed or something along the lines of that. My whole family has them, even Neji even though people don't make fun of his eyes. Maybe because they fear him. So, since my eyes were so white, I remember my father calling me his 'Snow Angel'. I thought it was completely unnecessary since I was nowhere close to looking and acting like an angel and I had my father's eyes too. I thought it was cute at first, but then as time progressed, and even though I knew he didn't mean it like that I felt like the snow implied I was cold and emotionless.

I was trapped in one of the washroom stalls, so none of the girls dared to step up to me, and my prince in shining armour wouldn't have been able to save me. Instead, my history teacher that was definitely female saved me.

"Girls! What is that screaming I'm hearing? And why are you all clustering around here?" She pushed open the stall door with ease, seeing the bathroom door was unlocked.

Ino and one or two of her friends that always seemed to cling to her like magnets were the only ones this time to see this with their eyes only, but it was still cramped in the tiny stall.

"Oh, I'm so sorry Mrs. Freeman! You see, Hinata wanted to borrow something of mine, but I didn't have it on me so I called both of my girls to help her. She was crying because she tripped and wanted a band aid." The words were too sugary sweet, and rolled off too easily off her tongue. To back her up, the two other brunettes that were constantly by her side nodded furiously, a huge smile plastered on their lips.

"Really?" Mrs. Freeman cocked an eyebrow, a firm frown set upon her lips. Even though I wanted to tattle on them so bad, how could I do so with them staring holes at me?

"Y-yes. It's the truth." I looked at the messy graffiti on the wall next to mine, for my eyes probably screamed the truth at her.

This was today, and I'm writing this at nearly midnight now.

After school ended, I took out my much-abused copy of "The Lovely Bones" by Alice Sebold. And I, too, like that penguin stuck in a snow globe want to be trapped in my own perfect world with the snow dancing around me.

Yours,

Hinata Hyuuga

**A/N: Dedicated to my friends that have been bullied still now and/or before in their lives. Also to my friend's recently late grandfather, and the wonderfully written book "The Lovely Bones" by Alice Sebold.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I've decided to do a couple of more chapters of this, which was supposed to be a tiny one-shot. Anyways, enjoy it while it lasts because I only plan to do two or three more chapters. It's not because I don't like it, its just because I'm getting a lot of responses on my other stories and I feel apathetic. **

**Confusing, this one I know. But if you know people or if you yourself have been hurt physically and/or mentally, it can get pretty confusing, and awkward. **

**Also, this has been in my head for a while now and I wasn't so sure if I should write it seeing (and I'm not being modest. Honestly) I don't think I write that well and if its too angsty. So when I was surfing through Fanfiction, I found a couple of fan fictions and one (a quite good one with awesome metaphors) struck me the most and gave me the little push that encouraged me to write this. Her penname: PurpleButterfly4. Please check her out.**

Dear Diary,

I do not wish to end my life purposely. Yes, I am depressed but not enough that I would want to kill myself. If I do, then I would be perfect. You know, as in fluffy wings and white robes and boys that would look at me and girls that won't tease me, and accept me in their personal group where we start and end flings and make random sleepovers. My own heaven. If I don't, it feels I'm surrendering to Ino and her so-called friends. It's maddening. I know that if I die, nothing would change and the rest of eternity would just pick up on things like normal and I would be left rotting in the earth. But I'm also scared. So scared of the pain. The easiest painless way to die for me is death when you're sleeping, but that's only when you die of old age. I would stay alive, but it's tempting to be 'living' in my own heaven. So, I choose the latter.

My life is a mosaic, but not everyone can see me. For some, I would be an invisible piece of structure and for the lucky few, meaning my dad and Neji, can see bits and parts. I can obviously see it, seeing how it is _mine_. Little bits and pieces of colourful, and some dull, of glass and even though each one is so insignificant and small to the viewer, it makes it whole. And I'm out there for the whole weird world to see, but they can't, or won't see me. They see straight through me, that's what I think. It doesn't sadden me that no one can see me. It just saddens and disappoints me that no one even tries to see me.

What is the point of my existence? I remember back in grade seven we heard of First Nations people believing their Creator made each and every person because they had a certain purpose to obtain or to do. What is my purpose? Is my life a giant life lesson? An accident? Am I alive just to plus one more person on Earth? What is it? I would love to know. And even though the question seems cliché it only seems cliché because so many people, time after time after times want to know. Since we can't see the future, its really in God's hands. How aggravating!

Did you know Diary, that I am probably the only person that has a diary who writes it in his or her own hand?

Trust. A small five-letter word that means so much, and without it the world would collapse. Come to think of it, half of it is already fallen and turned to debris. I trusted a person of what Ino did to me. And they laughed in my face and told me not to be so over dramatic, silly and deeply poetic. I ran away crying because I was so shocked and frustrated that no one would listen. So, I lost trust in everything. I didn't even trust a kids' help phone.

So, I thought why not have a diary? One to tell the events of my day to, one to cry to, to spill my thoughts onto, to whisper my secrets to, and the pages would quietly listen.

A million questions I have, and almost all probably have empty or no answers.

Now, instead of just ignoring Ino, her friends and the world, I try to ignore and not cry. The few people who heard of the incident in the bathroom verbally beat me too. I felt like I was drowning. And stupidly, I was letting the water into my mouth and since I needed air, I had no choice to swallow the awful, salty solution only to repeat the process. I was helpless, and slowly I was sinking towards the ocean floor, the sunlight fading. And the water…it's so cold, but terrifyingly beautiful at the same time.

I'm so pathetic, no wonder I don't have friends…

Trust…Should I trust Uzumaki Naruto, my crush? He isn't that popular but has a lot of friends and seems like a nice guy. Even I heard that he had a rough childhood, so maybe…we could relate and be friends or something. I cross my fingers as I say this. For the past three weeks, and this is totally embarrassing too, I've been practicing in front of mirror, talking to Naruto. It was as hard as it was simple.

So, I'm going to flip a coin. Heads, I don't tell him, tails I do.

It's tails.

Yours,

Hinata Hyuuga

**A/N: Small-ish. **

**It's completely okay if you're confused or annoyed with this. Anyways, if you like it so far, please review. Thanks.**

**-Bitter-Sweet-ish  
(Angie)**


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